In my Father's Memory: A Story of Dementia, Love and Dogs
Paperback
Val Ormrod
‘You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet, Dad!’
‘What wrong feet?’ he grumbles. ‘These are the only feet I’ve got.’
I help Dad into bed and he looks up at me with trusting, innocent eyes. As I tuck his sheets
around him he reaches up to give me a hug. ‘You’re my favourite dog,’ he says.
‘And you mine,’ I reply. ‘The best.’
When her father was struggling with living alone after being widowed for a second time, the
author persuaded him to move to live with her so she could care for him in his old age. After
his subsequent diagnosis with dementia, she had to learn to become a different sort of carer
in order to cope with the bizarre manifestations of the illness.
This memoir explores the relationship between father and daughter over the final years of
his life, during which the author works through stages of denial, frustration, and desperation
until her love for her father eventually leads her to acceptance, and to find moments of joy in
their new reality.
The story balances pathos with humour and tenderness, so that it entertains as the story
unfolds, without making light of what is inevitably a devastating (and growing) condition for
many people throughout the world. It allows the reader to become intimately acquainted with
the day-by-day experience of living with dementia and the roller-coaster nature of emotions
involved. These are presented both from the carer’s perspective and, via carefully recorded
dialogue, from the father’s. In particular, the father’s unique character and charm are brought
into the story and the book is alive with his voice. Along the way, the nature and reliability of
memory is examined.
Reviews:
"Heartbreaking, beautiful writing – natural and unpretentious. It’s profound with no reaching
after profundity – and marvellously complex and alive’– Tessa Hadley, author of Free Love
‘Never mawkish or straining for sympathy. Shows the surrealism and ‘non-sense’ of
dementia without ever seeming sensational or alarming. I really believe this book will help
others to cope in similar situations’ – Joe Roberts
‘Begins quietly and slowly gathers power and speed, like the dementia it describes. I simply
could not stop reading it… In the end it’s about being there and giving love that counts’ –
Maggie Gee, author of The Ice People.
When I sat down to read In My Father's Memory I expected my heartstrings to be tugged at and
my understanding of dementia to be challenged but I did not expect it to be a book filled with love and humour, skillfully written, with a conversational tone that makes you feel like a trusted friend instead of a stranger reading someone's story. I truly believe that this book should be read by everyone, it is a remarkably story, told remarkably well. If you haven't bought a copy yet, then do so now – Amazon Customer
What a wonderful book. I’m two and a half years into being my mum’s carer and I wish I’d read
this book at the beginning. Wonderfully written and funny, warm, poignant with some laugh out
loud moments. What a tribute to her dad. I thoroughly recommend this book and will reread it
again soon – Sara Z